Couple-Swap
by Sheeptopus
Summary: One day, on the Argo II, when everyone's bored out of their skulls, everyone is extremely OOC. "Let's all do a... wait for it... a GIRLFRIEND SWAP! YOU KNOW, LIKE A MIX 'N' MATCH WITH COUPLES!" Oh, my... crazy times ahead. Crackfic. DO NOT TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY. R&R!
1. Chapter 1 -- Introduction

**A/N: Okay guys, I'm sorry. I have no idea what the heck this is. But can I just make absolutely clear, THIS IS A CRACK FIC. YOU SHOULDN'T TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY IF YOU VALUE YOUR SANITY. Also, it's set before the soul-crushing ending to MoA, in that happy little bubble of time that seems only to exist in fanfics, where the seven are aboard the Argo II without having to dodge angry Romans, Shrimpzilla, etc. or feel all that pressured that Nico has less than a week to live. So, um, yeah. More A/N at the end regarding updates, etc. Now, for the OOCness...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Percy Jackson... Annabeth does. ;) OR DOES SHE? WHO CAN TELL IN THIS FIC? (NB: This witty disclaimer wasn't my idea. I don't plagiarise! I just tacked on the all caps bit.)**

Couple-Swap

or

Bored on the Argo II

Covered in grease, Leo stumbled onto the deck of the Argo II, blinking owlishly in the sunlight. He was dimly aware that he probably should have slept at some point in the last 24 hours, instead of tweaking the engine for an unhealthy amount of time, but none of that was important any more. He had ventured out of the bowels of his creation because the most _bewildering _sound had penetrated down even to the engine room.

He supposed he should be used to strange occurrences by now, but, then again, it's not often you hear someone shout, _"Not my blue coke, you cretin!" _followed by the sounds of a scuffle and a strangled yelp. So, he had come out to investigate. Only to find the ship deserted.

Alarm bells began ringing like crazy in Leo's head, but, before anything more than his hair could catch on fire, he heard voices. _Friendly, demigod _voices, coming from the direction of the mess hall. Releasing a breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding, he lurched towards the sound.

The other residents of the ship, six very powerful demigods and one very aggressive satyr, were slouched round the table, staring despondently into space. Occasionally a conversation would spring to life, only to die down as quickly as it had been created. They had been this way for most of the morning.

"Yo," slurred the tired son of Hephaestus. "Wassup?"

"Nothing," replied Hazel.

"That's the whole problem," chipped in Annabeth.

"We're _bored,_" said Coach Hedge. "There's nothing to kill. What's wrong with the world if there's nothing to kill?"

Jason gave a half-hearted chuckle at that. "The most action we've seen today was when Percy picked a fight with Buford." Percy let out a groan, not raising his head from its place on the tabletop.

"He tried to seal my _coke_! What was I supposed to do?" came the grumbling reply.

"I know!" cried Frank suddenly, in a completely out of character gesture that somehow triggered everyone else to become out of character as well, "Let's all do a... wait for it... a GIRLFRIEND SWAP! YOU KNOW, LIKE A MIX 'N' MATCH WITH COUPLES!" Piper immediately sprang to her feet, but the disgusted and disbelieving outbursts that would have followed were suddenly stifled, as whatever foul OOC magic that had infected Frank spread to the rest of them.

"Are you kidding?! That's..." she trailed off uncertainly as her eyes got unfocused "...a great idea, guys! Totally awesome! Let's get started..."

**A/N: Aaah! What will happen?! Oh, and, just a heads up, I have noticed in the past that crack-fics are generally funnier when they're not as... shall we say, **_**polished **_**as this little intro (which really wasn't that polished anyway). Dunno. What do you think I should do? Where do you think I should go with this random piece of 'holy - WHAT did I just read'? Just drop me a review, 'cuz honestly, The next update will probably be the next time I'm meant to be doing homework. :3**

**But who knows? Reviews are motivation! *nudge nudge wink wink* Until next time, then. Stay awesome! :D**


	2. Chapter 2 -- Piper

**A/N: I had H.E. :3**

**But seriously guys, I just want to thank y'all SO MUCH! This is, like, a totally overwhelming response! I have to do a double-take every time I see the review count! Thank you so much for being awesome, and please keep it coming! Also, HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY! And, can I just add, despite living just over half an hour away from Slemish Mountain, I have never climbed it. No, instead, this year's celebrations will be eating a Lindt chocolate bunny and despairing about GCSE choices. :D Now for s'more OOCness...**

Piper

Last time...

Piper immediately sprang to her feet, but the disgusted and disbelieving outbursts that would have followed were suddenly stifled, as whatever foul OOC magic that had infected Frank spread to the rest of them.

"Are you kidding?! That's..." she trailed off uncertainly as her eyes got unfocused "...a great idea, guys! Totally awesome! Let's get started..."

Prank, or possibly Friper

With that, the Piper strode over to Frank, grabbed him, and began kissing him passionately.

"Frank," she said as she pulled away, "I am the daughter of Aphrodite. And you are the son of Ares."

"Mars, actually -"

"Hush, my love. I am speaking. What's important is, our godly parents love each other. So we should love each other. I was only a matter of time before this happened." with that, they resumed making out.

Suddenly and without warning, Piper started walking away from Frank.

"What are you doing? I thought you loved me!" he called after her.

"I just realised," she replied, "While Aphrodite sneaks off with Ares every once in a while, she is married to Hephaestus. I am sorry, Frank. I cannot love you! Instead I must go to my real true love... Leo!" When Frank heard this, his face crumpled. He immediately turned into a squid and started convulsing on the floor. It was his way of dealing with the grief of losing Piper.

Liper, or possibly Peo

"Leo!" Piper screeched as she ran seemingly aimlessly around the ship, occasionally bumping into a wall. "Come here so I can make out with you!"

At once Leo popped up seemingly out of nowhere. "Hey babe. Let's do this." he declared, and they started making out on the spot.

"Leo," said Piper. "This is perfect. I am hot, and you are a fire-user, so you are also hot. We shall be together forever and ever!"

"That's what you think babe," said Leo, "but, since I can burst into flames, while you are merely beautiful, I am far hotter than you. I'm out of your league. Get lost."

"You dare refuse me? But I am a daughter of Aphrodite! Everyone must love me!"

"That's right!" said Percy, who had suddenly appeared out of thin air. "My love for Piper is deeper than all of the oceans! She is mine!" with that, he kicked Leo, and dragged Piper away.

Piper, or possibly Percy (LOL :P)

Piper followed willingly after Percy, and once Leo was out of sight, she giggled manically and they started making out.

"You see how I am better than Leo in every single way?" said Percy.

"Yes. Yes I do." Piper replied, and began making out with him again. This went on for some time until Blackjack, who, being a pegasus, had not *gasp* been affected by the OOC curse, came upon them. He whinnied indignantly and dragged Percy away by the scruff of his neck(which hurt quite a bit).

Piper sighed. "Only the truest love is parted so cruelly," she mused, and then wandered off in search of some PB&J.

**A/N: ... I scare myself sometimes.**

**Because of the way this has been set out, the chapters centring on each character will get shorter and shorter, until someone's chapter (maybe Leo's just for the craic) will be non-existent. *gasp* Or maybe I'll just collect his bits in other people's chapters and write them more from his POV... dunno *shrugs*. You tell me. Hope you enjoyed it. Don't forget to drop a review on your way out!**


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